Sweet Days (Four Days Book 2) Read online

  to any of us,” he says, looking out the window.

  “Oh, I’m … I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be

  nosey.”

  “It’s not important.”

  “And you’ve got a good relationship?” I try

  probing.

  “He’s a good man. He takes care of my mom

  and all my brothers and sisters. If it weren’t for

  him, I don’t know what would have happened to

  all of us. My mom sure could not have carried on

  all by herself for much longer.”

  “What about your dad?”

  “He took off when I was fifteen.”

  “Don’t you ever see him?”

  “No. The day he left us he was dead to me.”

  I try asking a bit more before he closes up for

  good.

  “Did he abandon you?”

  “He left a wife and six kids alone without a

  dime and without looking back.”

  Now I understand. I understand everything and

  the revelation of it is like a slap in the face. It’s as

  if the five fingers were imprinted on my cheek and

  I can feel it burning.

  “Is something wrong?” Patrick asks me after a

  few moments of silence.

  “I’m just tired. It was a long day and I’d like to

  lie down for a bit.”

  “Sure, I’ll go with you.”

  “No,” I block him right away. “There’s no need

  and you have to get back to work. I think you’re

  already late,” I say, looking at the clock.

  “They can do without me for a few minutes.”

  He tries to take my hand but I won’t let him.

  He sighs in frustration and rests his head on the

  steering wheel. “Won’t you tell me what’s really

  going on, Erin?”

  “It’s that everything is all wrong, Patrick.

  You’re not right for me.” And as I say it a piece of

  my heart turns black.

  He lifts his head up, searching for my eyes.

  “What the fuck?”

  “You don’t have to do it, you don’t have to take

  someone else’s place. You don’t have any

  obligation towards me, you’re not the one who got

  me pregnant and it’s not your responsibility,” I say,

  closing the conversation as quickly as possible.

  “You don’t have to occupy a space that isn’t yours,

  or take care of someone that was abandoned by

  someone else.”

  “Erin…”

  He tries again to take my hand, but I cross my

  arms over my chest like a little girl having a

  temper tantrum.

  “Why are you saying these things? Is that what

  you seriously think? That I want to be with you so

  I can assume some kind of super hero status? I’m

  not a hero and I’m not a person who has been

  given the gifts of sentiment, compassion or pity. If

  I want to stay, it’s because I want to.”

  “Only because you want to? What are you, five

  years old?”

  “What do you want from me?” he yells. “What

  the fuck do you expect me to do?” he continues in

  a rage.

  And that’s when I understand that this is all

  wrong. That he is wrong. I can’t accept the

  consequences of this relationship. Because I’m not

  alone anymore, there are two of us and this baby

  deserves the best.

  If he can’t have a father who is able to give and

  receive love without feeling an obligation to do so,

  then it’s up to me to do my best to give him

  everything I can on my own.

  “I don’t expect anything. I never asked you for

  anything! You’re the one who came to me, who

  said all those things to confuse me and take

  advantage of my vulnerability. You’re … you’re

  exactly what I would have expected from you and

  what everyone already knows about you, Patrick:

  you’re an asshole, a bastard who’s incapable of

  loving, with an iceberg in place of a heart.”

  His expression changes and his eyes turn a dark

  and intense black like a black hole I would not

  want to get sucked into.

  I open the car door and get out, trying to calm

  down and regain control of myself because I can

  feel I’m falling apart and there’s nothing I can do

  to stop it.

  I open the pub door and make a beeline for the

  stairs, hoping to avoid any questions of anyone

  who may see me crying desperately for having lost

  something yet again. But I’m not that lucky. Aaron

  notices me and blocks me on the way up.

  “What did that asshole do?”

  I shake my head, telling him that it’s nothing

  and that he shouldn’t insist, that he should just let

  it go.

  “Come on, I’ll take you upstairs,” he says. And

  even if I don’t want him or the others to know, I

  find myself once again on my couch crying on

  someone’s shoulder as I vent my feelings.

  “I’m pregnant,” I say between sobs.

  “That bastard knocked you up?” he yells,

  enraged and jumping to his feet.

  “No, it wasn’t Patrick. It was Nate, my ex–

  boyfriend,” I conclude in a broken whisper of a

  voice.

  I tell Aaron everything. Starting with my

  discovery of the betrayal, to the pregnancy and my

  fancy ideas about Patrick.

  Aaron doesn’t interrupt me but lets me talk and

  sob until I’m calm and I lay down on the couch,

  still shaken up. Without my realizing it, Liam and

  Jay are also in the apartment, sitting at a table in

  front of me.

  “What?”

  “Everything’s fine, Erin.”

  “Why are you all here?” I try to sit up but Jay

  makes a gesture, encouraging me to stay as I am.

  “We’re here for you.”

  “For me?”

  “I already knew, Erin,” Liam confesses. “Rain

  told me. Please don’t be upset with her about it.

  She was just worried about you.”

  Well, I should have known it. Rain isn’t very

  good at keeping things secret.

  “You don’t have to worry about anything,” Jay

  continues. “Everything’s going to be alright. And

  whatever you decide, you have to know that we

  are here and you can count on us. We’re always on

  your side.”

  I don’t understand what I did to deserve so

  much support and encouragement. My lip starts to

  shake, a sure sign of an incoming crisis, when

  Aaron caresses my cheek and gives me a sweet

  smile that opens the door to my tears.

  “You’ll stay here as long as you want. And we’ll

  all help you. We won’t let you go anywhere and

  especially you won’t be alone.”

  I nod, overwhelmed.

  “But I do think you should seriously consider

  the idea of calling your family. You need them.”

  “It’s just … I’m not brave enough.”

  “You can do it,” he says, squeezing my hand.

  “And now, let us get you a cup of tea and pamper

  you a bit, okay? It seems like you need it.”

  “What about the pub?” I ask,
alarmed.

  “Patrick is downstairs,” he says, breaking our

  eye contact for a moment. “And the guys. Rain

  will be here soon and as soon as she is, she’ll come

  up and take our place. We don’t want you to be

  alone.”

  I nod again, unable to find my pride and try to

  refuse their help and make a show of some kind, a

  pretence that I can make it on my own. Because

  the truth is, I can’t. I do need help. I’m just an

  immature young woman with no experience who

  let herself get knocked up by an idiot and who was

  about to fall in love with a bastard who specializes

  in confusing your ideas and fogging up your mind,

  but won’t ever be able to give anything to anyone.

  The only person Patrick loves is Patrick.

  Patrick

  The guys have been up there for forty minutes and

  seventeen seconds. They’re still pissed with me

  about what happened in London and ruining the

  offer that was proposed to us.

  They left me here at the counter, begging me

  not to show my face upstairs and to calm down

  because let’s face it, I’m a concentration of rage

  that’s ready to explode and take down everything

  with me.

  How the hell could she say those things to me?

  After I was close to her, after I offered her my

  help. Accusing me of having taken advantage of

  her! If she only knew that every kiss I gave her my

  legs were shaking, my lips, even my heart! I knew

  it! Christ, I always knew it! Look what happens if

  you lower your guard five minutes.

  “Patrick.”

  Shit, that’s all that was missing was her. Now

  everybody’s here, all accounted for. All the people

  who hate Patrick?

  Check.

  I turn without really looking at her and jut out

  my chin, which means, ‘I hear you’.

  “Are they still up there?”

  “Of course. They’re trying to figure out a way

  to get rid of me.”

  Rain takes a few deep breaths before sitting on a

  stool in front of me.

  “Patrick Doyle, I love you, you know. You’re

  like a brother to me, but let me tell you something.

  You’re a boy who hasn’t ever fully grown up, you

  are irresponsible and counterproductive. You’re a

  disaster in every way. You’re arrogant and have a

  devil-may-care philosophy about a lot of things

  and you’re quite arrogant.”

  Okay, I’m not shocked by her words, but they

  do bother me because she is my family and I

  thought she saw something more in me.

  “Do you know why I allowed you to get close

  to her even though I know you so well? Because I

  saw something in you. A spark that was in your

  eyes the night you went out there and gave Nate

  what he had coming to him. And I saw another one

  when you went with her to go get her things. And

  another one still when you were playing with the

  band and you had an expression on your face of

  someone who would drop to his knees and beg the

  woman he loves to be his forever. You see, I

  thought that with her you would finally cool off a

  bit, that you would confess to yourself that you’re

  better than what you want yourself to believe. And

  instead, it seems I was wrong, because here you

  are being what you always are, making the same

  mistakes and you don’t let anybody get close to

  you and love you.”

  “You know full well what I am, Rain. I never

  kept it a secret. This is it,” I say, spreading out my

  arms. “All I am is this piece of shit, there’s nothing

  else there, and I’ve got nothing to hide, no deep

  feelings or anything else, okay? Get it into your

  head!”

  I finish up my little discourse by raising my

  voice a few decibels.

  “You’ve disappointed me, Patrick,” she says,

  starting to shake. “I did expect better of you,” she

  concludes on the verge of tears as she gets up and

  heads upstairs.

  There is no place I cannot go … My mind is

  muddy but my heart is heavy. Does it show? I lose

  the track that loses me, so here I go.

  What do they all want from me? What are they

  trying to find under the surface? I’m not hiding

  anything. I am an absolute nothing and will remain

  so. For all of my fucking life. I will not let myself

  be taken for a fool anymore nor will I ever let a

  woman try to get close to what she doesn’t know,

  something that’s so deep inside of me, that is total

  blackness and all it does is suck everything into

  itself in an instant to then destroy it in a second.

  Because I destroy every fucking thing.

  Give me reason but don’t give me choice …

  ’Cause I’ll just make the same mistake again.

  5

  The last words of that depressed asshole James

  Blunt push me over the edge and I turn my back to

  the counter and throw the glass I was washing

  against the wall. I throw it with all the force I have

  5 Same Mistake, James Blunt, All the Lost Souls

  in my body. It’s enough to almost dislocate my

  shoulder.

  The customers all turn to see what’s happening

  and I come up with some stupid excuse to get

  away from this disgusting pub, this stupid family

  and from her and the hope that there could be

  something more for me than this emptiness I bring

  around with me.

  I approach a table with three girls where the one

  who was waiting for me the other night happened

  to be when I ignored all the bells going off in my

  head and I went to Erin instead of having some fun

  with that one.

  Two lines of chat, another round on the house,

  and she’s already on my bike with her arms around

  my waist.

  I go to her place and I don’t even have my foot

  in the door and I’m on her. I’m hungry and all I

  want to do is lose myself and get that image of

  Erin rubbing her rounded belly out of my fucking

  head.

  I kiss her, I bite her, I undress her of what little

  she’s wearing before hitting the bedroom. I give

  her a light push to lay her out before me and I

  jump on her as if she were my prey, as if tasting

  her would satiate me, would give me back what I

  had and what I threw away for a pair of dark eyes.

  She unbuttons my jeans and takes my top off

  saying something about my tattoos but I can’t hear

  her. I can’t feel her … her hands, her wet tongue

  playing around just where it shouldn’t be.

  I don’t feel anything except an echo of contempt

  that I feel with myself right now. As I try to drown

  a soul that is trying hard to stay afloat, that’s

  begging for help and finally lets go of the hand of

  who’s trying to pull him out of the water.

  16

  Erin

  “Hi, Dad.”

  “Hey, honey, I haven’t heard from yo
u in a

  while. How are things?”

  I finally have the courage to call my dad and tell

  him what’s happening with me.

  “How are your studies going? How’s Nate?”

  I sigh and decide it’s better to just get right to it.

  “Nate and I broke up.”

  “What, how? When?”

  “Nate’s got someone else, Dad.”

  “What kind of … I’ll come back to Dublin right

  away and we’ll get things worked out.”

  “I’ve found a place to stay.”

  “Another place? And how are you paying for it,

  dear?”

  “Well, for now I’m not paying rent. The guys at

  the pub are letting me use the apartment above it.

  I’m here for now.”

  “You’re living in that place? ” he says

  condescendingly.

  “It’s not a bad place, Dad.”

  “Do you need money? I can send a wire

  transfer.”

  “No, Dad, I don’t need money. I just…”

  “Erin, you’re making me worry.”

  “I just need you, Dad.”

  “What’s happening, are you in trouble?”

  What’s happening? I’m pregnant dad. Very

  pregnant.

  I rub my belly unconsciously as I try to find the

  right words to tell my dad he’s going to be a

  grandfather.

  “I miss you.”

  What a coward I am.

  “I just miss my dad,” I say like a five-year-old

  baby.

  “Oh honey, I’ll try to leave tomorrow.”

  I’m not strong enough to tell him on the phone

  and I sure don’t know how I’m going to do it when

  he’s standing in front of me. But the time has come

  to tell everyone. I can’t hide it anymore.

  ~ ~ ~

  I get my books and start studying for the upcoming

  exam. It’s already late and I should be sleeping so I

  can wake up relaxed and less tired than usual but

  I’ve rested too much today and I’m not that tired

  now. What’s more, I’m hungry. I’m craving

  pancakes but they just make me think of Patrick.

  I sigh and get back to my studies but every

  excuse is good for a distraction. I am miles away

  from these books, from what I’m trying to study.

  They say all roads lead to Rome … all my roads

  lead to him.

  Then I get up off the couch and go to the

  window that looks out over the street and his

  motorcycle isn’t out there. I decide to go down,

  maybe get a cup of tea with Rain who’s working

  tonight, seeing as he’s not there.

  I slip my shoes on and a zip-up sweatshirt that I