Lost Days (Four Days Book 4) Read online

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright

  A Four Days Novel

  Dedication

  The book

  Prologue

  1

  2

  3

  4

  5

  6

  7

  8

  9

  10

  11

  12

  13

  14

  15

  16

  17

  18

  19

  20

  21

  22

  23

  24

  25

  26

  27

  28

  29

  30

  31

  32

  33

  Epilogue

  Playlist

  Biography

  Copyright © 2018 A. S. Kelly

  Translation by Kathleen Fitzgerald

  Lost Days

  A. S. Kelly

  English Edition

  Literary and artistic property reserved.

  All rights reserved. Unauthorised reproduction prohibited.

  This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and storyline are the fruit of the author’s imagination or are used in a fictional sense. Any similarity to facts, places or people living or deceased is purely coincidental.

  Cover design and formatting by Shanoff Designs

  Photography by Wander Augiar Photography

  A Four Days Novel

  book 4

  A . S . K E L L Y

  Go on then and grab it,

  your happy ending.

  THE BOOK

  Aaron O’Donovan is a rational man prone to reflection, used to being proactive and finding a solution for every problem. He’s lived these last few years taking care of his sister, and running a pub that he owns with his friends, having set aside his passion for music. Aaron is a constant presence in the lives of the people who surround him, a rock you can count on; but Aaron is a lonely man who has given up on his own ambitions, and who has a difficult past behind him. His experiences have made him cynical, unable to believe in anything, especially in love.

  Ciara Doyle works as a tourist guide as she finishes her studies in Art History. She’s young and full of life. Her world is made up of light, color and limitless dreams. She believes in people, in love and living happily ever after, even if there’s only space for one man in her heart—the only man she shouldn’t want.

  Aaron has known Ciara since she was a child and has always thought of her like a sister: he’s seen her grow up before his eyes, to become a beautiful sexy woman who is both stubborn and proud. A woman who knows what she wants. And Ciara wants Aaron.

  Aaron tries to resist her but the passion between them explodes, forcing him to give in and start wanting something that he has denied himself for years. However, giving in to her would mean the end of her dreams, because Aaron isn’t able to love and will never be the Prince Charming of her fairy tale.

  PROLOGUE

  AARON

  There are many things I don’t believe in. I’m talking about all those things you can’t touch with your hands or see with your eyes.

  I don’t believe there’s anyone up there, a spirit or entity, whatever you want to call it, that watches over us.

  I don’t believe in destiny, fate or the inevitable.

  I don’t believe in bad luck or chance.

  I don’t believe in hope or in dreams.

  I don’t believe that we all have a soul mate out there, or the big one that completes you and makes you feel indestructible.

  I believe that man makes his own destiny and that his life is fruit of the decisions he makes, and that no one else is able to interfere in that process or can make the decision for you, and thereby bring on some kind of tragedy into your life or someone else’s.

  You decide to take a certain action, you decide to take on whatever responsibilities you will, you decide if you will stay in a relationship.

  External influences do not exist. It’s you alone who plays your hand and if you’ve got a shitty hand, you’re the one to blame for it. You’re probably not a very good card player.

  Rain’s accident wasn’t fated, it was because of a bad driver who was also drunk.

  The end of our career wasn’t bad luck but was the direct result of the accident, which led us to all re-examine our lives and roll up our sleeves and get on with things.

  Alex’s illness is a genetic condition; it’s science, for God’s sake, not some thing that happened by chance.

  The fact that Patrick is a shithead? Straight up fact. There’s no need to really dig deep into it.

  Our life here at Howth, this pub, this house. All of it is borne of careful consideration before taking decisions.

  There will always be problems, you just have to find a solution for them. And we have.

  Being concrete and resolute. That’s all there is to it.

  Love? Sentiments? It’s a bunch of smoke in your eyes, just something to trip you up, make mistakes, to drag you down into something unexplainable with the only guarantee being that it will mix up your mind and your ideas.

  Ties that bind which last a lifetime, whether they are through blood or friendship, those are things that I’m able to put my finger on.

  Family is the most important thing in the world. People that you can share everything with, people who are beside you and who you can always count on. People who are a part of you.

  My family is a bit atypical and decidedly too large, but is the only thing that matters. The peace, the harmony.

  It’s true that there are factors within it that go beyond my ability to comprehend, but I have accepted them. It’s their choice, not mine but I respect it.

  My sister Rain is in love with Liam and luckily for him, it’s reciprocal. Jay and Alex are a couple, Patrick and Erin are about to get married and have already started their family with little Lily.

  I don’t judge their way of life, they’ve decided to put their faith in something dark and uncertain—that’s their business, not mine.

  I keep out of it, watching from a distance and making sure that nobody gets into trouble forcing me to intervene. When love is involved, everything becomes precarious, unstable and you lose all rationality.

  It’s not for me.

  Maybe it was different when I was younger, I was immature and life still hadn’t dealt me its toughest blows. Growing up I learned in a hurry that showing your feelings doesn’t pay—quite the contrary, it destroys you. From that time, I’ve become more rational and cautious. Anyway, I had to be like that, I didn’t have a choice.

  My parents died when Rain and I were just kids. First my mom, from a disease. Degeneration of the body, that’s a scientific process. Dad died in a car accident just a year later. Some idiot high on drugs ran him over as he was using the pedestrian crossing. His death was the consequence of an action.

  Rain was seventeen years old and was in her last year at school. I had finished my education a few years before that and was working hard to get along, keep her in school and not lose the house.

  Then, there was the music.

  There are those who say you need to be in the right place at the right time and that’s how it happened for us. We worked hard and put ourselves out there and reacted positively when all those doors shut in our faces until one day someone recognized our talent.

  Everything has an explanation and its own logic.

  Even if I was at the top of my class at school, I’m no super intellectual and even if I don’t use a lot of five-euro words, I am able to tell the diffe
rence between what’s rational and what isn’t.

  That’s how I live.

  And that’s how I’m going to live.

  1

  CIARA

  I’m sitting on a rocking chair cuddling Lily, who was woken up by all of the ruckus downstairs. I enjoy holding her in my arms and breathing in that talcum powder and that purity that differentiates her from the rest of us, letting myself be wrapped up in the tenderness that only a small defenseless child like her can transmit. But then she’s my niece, the gleam in my eye and the single best thing that’s happened to my family in recent years.

  She and Erin, obviously.

  That idiot of a brother of mine finally decided to settle down and marry that fantastic girl that blew into his life like a breath of fresh air, and dragged him under with her sweetness and her love, so that even someone with a heart of stone like my brother didn’t stand a chance.

  I am thankful that Erin is in his life every day and for this gift from heaven that God has given us in Lily. She’s brought hope and happiness to all of our lives.

  I give her a gentle kiss on her forehead and stand up, careful not to wake her. I lay her down in the crib and make sure the monitor is on. I take a few more minutes just to watch her resting blissfully before taking a big breath and returning downstairs where a family party is under way for my brother’s upcoming wedding.

  I’m going to be one of the bridesmaids, and I’m not thrilled about it, especially since Erin has chosen these formal pink gowns for us, which are not at all my style. But, it’s her day and I made a promise that I’d leave my sneakers at home for once.

  I go down the stairs and find myself in the living room where everyone is drinking, laughing and generally having a good time. I pour myself a glass of white wine and take a minute to look over my wonderful extended family.

  They’re all here.

  All of them except him.

  I would notice his absence even if I were blind.

  I walk around the downstairs rooms and check out the garden at the back. Nothing. It seems like he’s just disappeared. So, I decide to go back upstairs and hesitate outside his bedroom door. I knock, but there’s no answer. I summon up my courage and push the door open with two hands. The room is immersed in the darkness but the window is open. I slowly approach and pop my head out over the windowsill in time to see him on the roof, bent over double, taking in big breaths of air. He’s been acting strangely all night. He seems so lost, so alone. Almost unhappy. And I know that’s not like him.

  I’ve known him my whole life. He and Patrick have been friends for I don’t even know how long but I do know for sure that I’ve got memories of him being in our house when I was a little girl. It’s true that life has not been kind to him in the last few years but he’s always been a strong man, ready to help anyone, including me. How many times did I count on it when I had some trouble at school when some jackass was bothering me, or when I needed to get rid of an admirer that was too insistent? On some occasions, asking Patrick was risky because of what a hothead he was, so I normally preferred going to Aaron, who always knew how to get to the bottom of things without shedding any blood.

  I decide to give it a try, to climb through the window onto the roof and approach him with discretion. He doesn’t seem to be aware of my presence and I don’t want to scare him off the roof, so I very gently touch his shoulder to let him know I’m there. He winces and straightens up, getting dangerously close to the edge. He is scared and highly alert as if he is afraid that I might come closer.

  “Aaron,” I call him quietly, trying to be sweet and careful, although I must confess that this scene unfolding before me now has me frightened. He doesn’t answer and continues staring at me with that lost expression, probably wondering what the heck I’m doing here. Then, something changes, as if he just woke up from a daydream and he starts panting, raising his hand to his chest. I am scared now, I’ll admit it. I have never seen anyone in this condition before. I’ve never seen him like this.

  And then something I never would have expected happens. Aaron comes to me and hugs me, in search of comfort. I am paralyzed for a few seconds, unsure how to proceed. Should I hug him back? Ask him what’s wrong? Then I tell myself that this is Aaron, my brother’s best friend and a constant presence in my life, for my whole life. And so I hug his muscular body and he abandons himself into my arms. I rub my hand in his hair and tell him everything is going to be alright even if I have no idea what it is I’m saying. I have no idea what’s got him so upset. I let him relax in my arms on this rooftop under the discreet observation of the stars that are shining more prominently than usual tonight.

  And I almost want to cry for him because his breakdown is not something I’m used to seeing and the sadness in his eyes is like a punch in the stomach that makes it hard to breathe.

  —

  AARON

  I’m sitting at the kitchen counter by myself with the last cup of coffee of the day in my hands. All the others are in the living room. The girls organized a pre-wedding dinner celebration tonight. Patrick and Erin are getting married in a few days and it seems like every moment is the right moment to celebrate.

  It’s already two o’clock in the morning and it seems like no one’s ready to put this thing to bed yet. The families of the future bride and groom have been invited and Patrick’s mother brought enough food for a regiment and that’s a good thing because if we had prepared it, we all would have ended up in the hospital.

  Erin’s mother flew in today from America for her daughter’s wedding and so we all ate together.

  It was pure torture.

  I can’t stand it. I cannot tolerate all of this happiness around me—happiness that can’t touch me with a ten-foot pole. It’s not that I’m not happy for them, Patrick’s been my best friend since we were kids and Erin is a good girl… it’s just everyone around me is living so much in this bubble of happiness that they’ve forgotten the trouble we’ve been in up until yesterday. They’ve let themselves give in to all this euphoria and joy.

  All of them except me, that is.

  I sigh and look at the clock on the wall again, and the hands are moving too slowly for my taste. I just want to get to the end of this day, close myself up in my room and fall into the silence.

  Patrick kisses Erin on the lips and smiles in a way that’s hard for me to understand. Alex is sitting at Jay’s lap just as pale and skeletally thin as usual, but alive and I can hardly believe that those two are seriously together and that she made it.

  And then I look at my little sister who is just radiant in Liam’s arms and I think to myself, I’ve never seen her like this, not even before the accident that tore her away from her old life.

  As I look at my friends living and their happiness invades me, I find it hard to breathe and I can feel my throat closing up suddenly.

  What the hell is happening to me?

  I’m breaking out in a cold sweat and I’m losing focus. I try to swallow but it seems like the saliva is getting stuck in my throat which is locked up. I jump to my feet, knocking over the stool but no one takes notice.

  No one ever takes notice of me.

  I head upstairs before whatever it is that’s rising in my throat is able to strangle me, and I go to my bedroom, closing the door behind me and leaning up against it with my back. I try breathing, but there doesn’t seem to be enough oxygen in this damned room.

  So, I go to the window and open it and climb right through onto the roof, with a bit too much enthusiasm, forgetting momentarily that I’m on the second floor and I’m almost risking falling down.

  That really would be the icing on the cake.

  I rest my hands on my knees and bend over, trying to draw in big gulps of air to fill my lungs, air that is possibly uncontaminated with other people’s happiness.

  I need a minute. I tell myself to stay outside and look at the sky by myself—away from the laughter and the chaos and the lives of others.

  Breathe
. Get control back.

  I try to straighten myself out slowly so that I don’t get dizzy, when I feel a presence behind me. I have no idea what it might be. No one ever notices my absence and I don’t feel like turning around to send to hell whoever it was that came into my room without knocking first.

  But then a hand reaches out to touch me and her warm voice provokes a shiver along my spine.

  I recognize the voice even through the mental confusion I’m feeling right now.

  What the hell is she doing here?

  I turn to meet her eyes which are sweet, understanding and full of worry. I continue looking at her as my vision slowly comes back into focus and my muscles begin to relax. I swallow a few times and it would appear that my faculties are returning to normal but I am not able to free myself from this oppressive sense of anguish pushing down on my chest. I go on breathing slowly but it seems like I’m just gulping, like a fish out of his aquarium, flopping around on the rug in search of water. I’m feeling scared and vulnerable and that is not like me at all.

  This confusion that is assaulting my senses without mercy leads me to do something I never would have dreamt of: I abandon myself in her arms.

  And it’s an indescribable feeling, it wraps me up, calms me down, but it’s dangerously destructive.

  And yet, I let my head fall on her shoulder and breathe in the scent of her skin, mixed together with the biting cold of the night air and the smell of the alcohol she’s drunk tonight. It’s a cocktail that goes straight to my head, confusing and destabilizing me, making me more confused than I already was.

  And I should absolutely not be feeling this way, I should not let my guard down and allow anyone to see me in this state, to catch me out of control like this.

  Despite the confusion of the moment and the choking need to breathe her in, I have to remind myself that I cannot allow anyone else to get so close to me, to touch me, even by mistake. But I’m feeling weak now and terribly tired and I have this inexplicable sensation, as if she is the only thing I am able to fill my lungs with.