Lost Days (Four Days Book 4) Read online

  I deny myself the view because I need to move and stretch my aching muscles. I must have been in that position the rest of the night because I feel weak and disoriented.

  Okay, maybe the fantastic sex we had might have had something to do with it.

  Good Lord.

  I am just now starting to realize that I slept with Aaron. Panic assaults me immediately. I get up, trying not to wake him and make off to the bathroom in his room, closing the door behind me. I look at myself in the mirror and notice red marks on my neck and chest. Marks that will probably turn into bruises and become hard to hide. It’s the physical evidence that this really happened, that Aaron was with me tonight.

  What’s going to happen when he wakes up? Will he say it was just a mistake? Will he ask me to leave?

  My throat closes up and a wave of heat flashes through me with a terrible anxiety that assails me as I realize what I’ve done.

  I need a cold shower to bring me back to my senses. I open the showers stall, turn on the water and jump right in, trying to wash away my own sense of guilt and the certainty in knowing what I have really just experienced because there is no turning back now.

  The water falls over me as I let the tears fall when two solid hands grab my waist, turning me around.

  “Ciara…what the hell? Are you…crying?”

  “Me… no…” I stutter unconvincingly.

  “You regret it, don’t you? You’re already wishing it hadn’t happened… God, you promised me you weren’t going to do this, that it would all be alright, you asked me to trust you and now I find you in tears in my shower.”

  “I’m sorry…”

  “What? You’re sorry? Don’t you dare say something like that,” he says seriously, taking my face in his hands. “Don’t excuse yourself with me for any reason in the world, ever. Is that clear?”

  I nod, trying to calm myself.

  “Let’s start over… Good morning,” he whispers, kissing me on my wet lips and entering the shower with me. He holds my face in his hands while his tongue takes possession of my mouth, sucking out all of the oxygen I had in my lungs.

  Aaron’s kisses should be illegal.

  They take away everything, they leave you unable to do anything. They swipe away your life and make you forget even how to breathe.

  He backs away slightly, avidly sucking my lower lip which is still swollen from last night. Then he lowers his gaze and pouts at seeing my red, scratched skin.

  “I’m sorry,” he says and touches the bruised areas with his lips. “I was an animal, but you are so…”

  He caresses me with those hands God gave him and has a worried look on his face.

  “It’s nothing. It’ll fade in a few days,” I reassure him.

  “It’s also due to this damned beard.”

  I touch it and smile at him.

  “It’s sexy and exciting,” I tell him and slip him my tongue without even thinking about it.

  “Oh really?” he says, raising an eyebrow and I finally see him relax a little bit.

  “The problem is that you’re fucking exciting, Ciara. If I only think about what we did last night,” he whispers in my ear, nibbling on my lobe. “About what I was feeling when I was inside of you.” He bites my neck. “And all of the things I have yet to do to you…” He squishes me against his impressive body and I can feel his erection pushing against my thigh. I look at him instinctively and he smiles at me, complacent.

  “This is the effect you have on me,” he continues, biting my lip again.

  “I like it…”

  “What is it that you like, exactly? My kisses…” He breathes onto my lips without touching them. “Me, naked, under the shower or—”

  “All of it, I like it all,” I say, running my hands over the the outline of the tattoos on his shoulder. Tonight I saw that he’s got plenty on his back as well that I obviously knew nothing about.

  This man is all yet to be discovered.

  I caress his body as the water falls on us; Aaron sighs, both in frustration and excited but before he can even think about making a move, I drop to my knees in front of his erection.

  “Ciara…” he says, suffering.

  I don’t allow him to finish the phrase because a second later, my lips are closing over his cock. On feeling my mouth on him, Aaron places both his palms on the shower walls.

  “Ciara… don’t…”

  But I go down even further and a moan of pleasure escapes him.

  He has to keep supporting himself by holding onto the glass, unable to emit a sound other than appreciation noises as I continue to please him with my mouth and my tongue. When I accelerate the rhythm, while squeezing his bottom with my hands, Aaron grabs me by the shoulders and pulls me off of him. He stands me up in front of him and takes my face between his hands again.

  “I don’t want to come in your mouth. I’ll always want to come inside of you, do you understand me?”

  And before I can try to justify myself his hand slides down my abdomen and between my legs.

  I grab onto his shoulders forcefully; his fingers move expertly inside of me as I throw my head back on his shoulder and let myself go to him.

  He could do anything to me with those hands.

  “I need to touch you,” he whispers in my ear. “To know that you’re real… That you’re really here with me.”

  His words turn me on.

  When I feel a wave of pleasure pulsing through me, I squeeze him tighter, encouraging him to accelerate his movements as he pants in my ear. But before my orgasm erupts, he removes his hand.

  “It’s not enough. I want more,” he whispers on my skin and slowly slides down, burning me with his hot lips. He pauses at my abdomen, and I feel him smile just a bit before he continues down between my legs, and slides one of them over his shoulder.

  “Aaron…” I sigh, as he caresses my internal thigh with his tongue before I sense his breath right over my sex.

  My body reacts instinctively to this new sensation.

  “Aaron…” I repeat, feeling his lips touch me.

  But Aaron doesn’t answer because a second later, he is inside of me, moving slowly, sensually.

  “Aaron…” I pant in search of oxygen.

  “Go on saying it, as much as you like…” he murmurs between my legs.

  “Aaron… Aaron… Aaron…”

  I feel exposed, the prey of his desire as he holds me firmly in place by the ass with my back pushed up against the shower wall with his hungry mouth on my sex.

  His beard brushes against the most sensitive part of me, making me tremble all over my body which is doing its best against his invasion but giving itself up completely to him.

  When I relax, putting my hands in his wet hair, inviting him to sink even deeper between my legs, Aaron moans directly inside of me, bring me almost to my limit.

  I could die right now and not even realize it.

  I feel his tongue moving with decision, his teeth delicately biting and his breath between my legs before letting myself go to the pleasure of an orgasm that is threatening to break me in two.

  The yell that escape my lips a second later has a devastating effect on him.

  He rises up along my skin and lifts me up by the ass and slams my back against cold bathroom tiles, blocking the air in my lungs. I wrap my legs around his waist instinctively and he enters me in a long, intense push, filling me again.

  I can’t stop wanting him.

  His desire is insatiable. He slams me repeatedly against the shower stall, but I can’t feel it. I’m consumed entirely with his thrusting deep within me, so much so that I have to bite his shoulder to avoid screaming.

  His grip on me is tight and painful, almost as if he doesn’t realize his own strength and the adrenalin that’s taken him over. His body moves against mine; his teeth leave their mark on my skin without mercy, starting from my earlobe, down my neck until sliding down towards my shoulder. He keeps my back firmly against the shower stall as I feel h
im thrusting inside of me; I squeeze my legs as tightly as I can, glued to him.

  He lets go of my ass and grabs onto my breasts, squeezing them in his big strong hands, hands which are able to make me orgasm and take my breath away.

  Those hands should also be illegal.

  He pinches my nipples with his fingers as a frustrated moan escapes my lips.

  “What—” he asks brashly, “—do you want me to do? Tell me!”

  “Oh, please Aaron…”

  I offer myself to him, arching my back.

  He smiles in satisfaction before taking a nipple between his teeth.

  This time it’s much more than a moan that escapes me. He laughs between my breasts before greedily sucking the one he just bit.

  By this point I am unable to take possession of my mental faculties.

  After having put both of my breasts under strenuous trial, after having bitten me, tasted and caressed me with those hands that I will fantasise about for the rest of my life, he goes back to pushing inside of me again, leaving me breathless.

  He grabs my hands and holds them over my head. My arms are held out as he pins me with one hand. The other one slides over my body, reaching the cheek of my bottom, which he grabs firmly.

  I rest my head against the shower tiles, blinded by desire and at the mercy of his hands, his bites and his caresses and his member, that has filled me completely.

  He kisses me again, or maybe he’s trying to eat me: teeth, lips, tongue. I can’t understand anything anymore and I’ve stopped feeling everything but the heat expanding throughout my body quivers in his hands, waiting to be freed.

  His tongue runs down my neck with his beard tickling my skin, his teeth bite down again on my nipple and I scream with pleasure.

  “I’m begging you!” I cry.

  He comes back to my lips and takes command of them.

  They are his. My body is his.

  I am his.

  He pushes again, keeping me anchored to him, holding my wrists with one hand while the other one works me over.

  His strength, his desire, his shaking—it’s all a mix of overwhelming feelings that lead me to close my eyes and just give myself over to him.

  I no longer know who I am, or where I am… The only thing I know for sure is that Aaron is inside of me and I’ll never be able to let him go.

  “Open your eyes, Ciara,” he commands in my ear. “I need to look you in the eyes. I need to know that you’re with me.”

  At his request, I open them wide in time to let myself be captured by his deep glance that is full of desire.

  He stares deeply into my eyes as his own darken over from passion as he continues to fill me until I hear his panting faster and directly on my lips now. And when he understands that I’ve reached my limit, he gives a powerful thrust that causes both of us to scream together. He lets out a sigh of contentment which gets lost in all my huffing and puffing before pulling away slightly and resting his forehead on mine.

  I let myself slide down the shower wall and Aaron helps me because I would not be able to support my own weight right now.

  This man should be illegal.

  Then he looks at me and smiles, before kissing me with an unanticipated sweetness that replaces the forceful feelings he just took out on me a minute ago.

  He imprisons me with suffocated breathing and lips that love each other slowly; with bodies that vibrate the same melody and entwined fingers that paint the entire world.

  Together.

  He pulls back from me and touches my face with his beard.

  “You…you… God, I can’t find a fucking word to describe you, Ciara. Forgive my limited vocabulary. I’m not good with words and all that—”

  “Hush!” I interrupt him. “Don’t say anything.”

  “Well, I had to come up with something.”

  You could tell me that you loved me, I think, but don’t say it out loud. I wouldn’t dare.

  This could be my only chance to draw him to me, the only chance I get and I don’t want to waste it by scaring him to death.

  He’s not ready to hear it.

  And I’m not ready for his refusal.

  —

  AARON

  We’ve just gotten out of the shower after having an intense session of boiling sex under the water. In every sense.

  This night has really been something, one of its kind. I feel so good with her, comfortable as if my body already new hers to perfection, as if they were born already connected.

  I already knew exactly which places to touch, where to slide my hands and where to place my lips, even if I’ll confess I wasn’t ready for her reaction: I wasn’t expecting her to be completely free with me and surprised that I, in turn, was able to let myself go totally to her.

  It feels like our bodies were destined to belong to one another.

  Ciara dries her hair with a towel, looking at herself in the mirror in my bedroom. She’s still completely naked but she walks around the room as if she were dressed, hair done and ready to start her day. She’s got this casualness and self assurance that I envy; sure, she’s still young and has a perfect body, why would she have inhibitions? It’s just she’s so natural in everything she does, I almost find it embarrassing.

  I watch her as she moves her hair. The colored tufts mix together with her natural blonde, falling down like a waterfall along her naked back.

  Good Lord, what a back.

  I jump to my feet and in two seconds I’m standing behind her. I grab her by her waist and pull her to me. She throws her head back against my shoulder leaving her neck exposed, and I can’t resist biting it. This woman is so damned exciting, I’d like to eat her up in bites.

  I kiss her shoulder, I caress her arm and I feel her shiver. I brush her hair to the side and bite her earlobe as she pants in exhaustion.

  “I’ll never have enough of you, you realize that don’t you?” I say, squeezing her hips and letting her feel how much I really still want her.

  Lord, I won’t be able to do without this pleasure, now that I’ve experienced it.

  I’m tempted to throw her down on the bed and discover a little more about her, to kiss this entire body all over and have her under me every second of my life, when Jay bursts into the room without knocking.

  “Hey, Aaron, you’re up… Oh, shit!” Jay says, covering his eyes with his hands. “I should not have seen that. Please, just tell me the naked girl in your room isn’t Ciara.”

  We’re fucked.

  Ciara breaks away from me, grabbing the towel and covering herself the best way she can.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I yell, grabbing the sheet from the bed and wrapping myself in it.

  “Weren’t Patrick’s sisters off limits for all of us?” he says, provoking me, finally taking his hands away from his eyes.

  I huff, looking for clean clothes in the closet.

  “It’s none of your business.”

  “When Patrick finds out, it’s going to be all of our business, friend. You’re going to need someone to save you.”

  “Don’t talk shit. Patrick will never know.”

  A silence falls over the room. It’s asphyxiating and clumsy. Jay looks at me and then at Ciara before leaving the room and going downstairs.

  I turn to Ciara who is standing in the same position I left her in and is now looking downwards.

  “Ciara…” I go to her timidly. I know I’ve just uttered a new record breaker on my own bullshit Richter scale.

  “I understand. It was just a crazy night.”

  She gets dressed quickly and I sit there silently like an idiot because honestly, I don’t know what to say. Was it just a night? We’ve never talked about anything else, like our futures. She is the one who said she wanted to take care of me for the night, and I let her.

  Why do I see disappointment on her face now? Why do I feel like shit?

  “I don’t want you to think that this was a little adventure for me, that’s not how this
is,” I try to remedy the situation. “It’s just complicated.”

  “What is? Telling Patrick that you’ve just fucked his little sister?”

  “Ciara—”

  “What, that’s not it? Isn’t that what just happened here?”

  I shake my head. “Do you know why I haven’t had anyone in all these years? Because my life is a mess. Because I’m full of responsibility and I have to take care of everyone else, do you understand that? I have to… It’s what I know how to do. The only thing I know how to do is to take care of other people.”

  “And who takes care of you, huh?”

  Her words dig a hole in my heart.

  I once again rest my forehead on hers and close my eyes. I feel her breath directly on my lips, an intense heat that turns me on completely.

  She goes to touch me and I draw back.

  “I’m sorry… I can’t do it.”

  “Can’t do what?”

  “This…Us.”

  She steps away, determined to turn her back to me and leave. I need to bury this crazy feeling six feet under and stop hurting myself.

  “It’s not your fault,” I call after her. “It’s me… I’m not right.”

  “Not right for me?”

  “For anyone, Ciara. I’m no good for anyone, especially you.”

  “Let me be the judge of that.”

  “I don’t believe in love and dreams. I don’t believe in anything, Ciara. Can you understand that? It’s better like this, for both of us. I’m sorry, I should not have crossed the line with you, but you were so… you are… I completely lost my head. I shouldn’t have. It… shouldn’t happen ever again.”

  I lie, looking her in the eyes.

  I lie to myself, despite the fact that we’re both slowly dying.

  I lie to protect her, to assure myself that she doesn’t throw her life away for someone like me.

  I lie because it’s the only chance I’ve got for her not hating me one day in the future.

  She will forget me, my kisses and my flavor. She’ll get over our one and only night together and not miss the love I’ll never be able to give her.

  She will forget every breath and every beat of my heart, while it will be only those things that will sustain me from now on.